Star Trek the Musical

I debated about publishing this topic in this blog, thinking that perhaps it fell outside the scope, but then it was pointed out to me that this is an IT blog and that my post had to do with Star Trek. Then I realized that it's my blog and I'll do whatever I want, and you'll live with it, just like at work.

I don't like musicals and I don't like Star Trek...... I know, IT guys should all love Star Trek, but I've grown bitter over the years of stupid plot lines, time travel that doesn't make sense, and learning that although other species are smarter, stronger, holier, nicer, and prettier than humans, there's just something "special" about our species. I get sick of aliens speaking of how humans "are a curious species" or a "noble species" or the like.

That being said, it should be obvious why I like to use Star Trek the Musical as an example of how stupid musicals are. It would go something like this:




Sulu(turning around in his chair): Captain, there are Klingons off the starboard bow!
Everyone(singing): Klingons! Klingons! Klingons!
We've got Klingons off the starboard bow, ready to shoot, what a hoot! I wish I could put this show on mute! Cause musicals suck so bad!
Captain Kirk: Raise shields! Prepare to launch photon torpedos and fire phasers.
Spock: Humans like the PH, that's why both your weapons have it in them.
Everyone: PH! PH! PH! We like the fffff in PH. We like to say fffff when it doesn't look like fffff. We know it's phuturiffic!

As is clearly displayed here, musicals are dumb (especially so when I write them). Musicals do one of two things to make music, they either sing while "action" takes place, or they stop the play altogether to sing about one thing. West Side Story is a great example of the latter. How long do those two gang members circle around each other singing about slicing the other one up?

I know that Mrs. ITFury might hate me for this, but I hated Muolin Rouge with a passion. They not only did both methods of throwing a song in there, but every song was one we all knew, so it wasn't like the next line was ever a suprprise. Basically, they made a musical (which I don't like), then they took out the one thing I've always thought musicals had.....originality. If you liked Moulin Rouge, then you must think coulages are the finest form of art because that's all it was; other people's work hacked up and pieced together to make something else.

I understand different tastes and all that, so try not to be offended. As I said, Mrs. ITFury liked Moulin Rouge, and I would sooner kiss an electrical socket than offend her and her Iron Frying Pan of Doom.

The Flock has Come.....

An interesting thing I've found occurs occassionally, like today, is that everything breaks at the same time. Today has been a schmorgus board of weird issues, like a laptop hard drive corrupting a few system files but checking out ok, and a computer's network card going bad with no indication whatsoever so that I get to spend 10 minutes checking cables before testing the machine on another port.

Several things cause these spurts in issues, like power surges and badgers getting in the ceiling(yes it has actually happened). When none of the normal reasons apply, I like to blame aliens or government conspiracies, but I've come up with a competing theory. In my new theory, called the Theory of Flock or Let's Flock Things Up, users are like pigeons just sitting around making annoying, unintelligible noises and shitting on everything. Then, for some reason beyond human reasoning, one of them decides to flutter away. The other users promptly follow, because they're dumb. So when a user has a problem, the others simply present the problems that they've had for some time because they think codependantly.

Laptop. Mobile Tool or Virtual Schlong?

There are many tools that we use in the IT industry, ranging from SD Cards to behemoth multi-function devices. Many of these devices prove useful in a number of circumstances, but I have noticed an interesting trend by the troglodyte…I mean neophyte boss-types; technology as a status symbol.

After hours, throughout my office building, virtually every portable device imaginable remains behind. Blackberries litter people’s desks and laptops sit in their docking stations. This is not an occasional occurrence; this is every day. We purchase laptops, which cost approximately two and a half times as much as a desktop, they break more easily and frequently, are more prone to theft, and are slower than their desktop equivalent.

Interesting to note, virtually every employee, manager level and above, has a laptop. Laptops are purchased not because they are valuable as a mobile work tool, but to serve as a virtual schlong.

Don’t think that this is a male-only trait though, Oh no no no. Female boss-types overcompensate just as frequently. In fact, one VP Female Boss-type has a desktop for work, a desktop for home, and a laptop!

Is the purpose of a laptop not to let you work from anywhere? So where does not count as anywhere? Why the other two systems?

It is the nature of our industry to deal with, and be led by, the idiocy of those who understand little to nothing of computers. They defer to us rarely, or never. Therefore, our jobs become a living hell. I would sooner shave my tongue than deal with bosses like this. Case in point, our remote offices decided that they needed to purchase digital cameras, and so told the heads of each office to purchase a digital camera within a certain budget and expense it to the company. Because of said idiocy, I now have to support about 30 different kinds of digital camera, none of which are interchangeable; some use SD Cards and others use CompaqFlash. To support something, I need to know it decently well. It takes me an hour or two to get a firm grasp of a piece of software, which is probably one-tenth what it takes a normal user. Now that I have 30 pieces of software to support, I get to spend 30-60 hours learning the software, not to mention a big spreadsheet to tell me who has what and how they need to be handled! In any case, VP Female Boss-type now has three computers at her mercy, and has asked me how it would be best to make her documents available on all three machines, two of which reside at her home. My answer should be “Stick with just one computer you freakin’ retard,” but I can’t say that to a VP. So instead, I’m going to create some huge, convoluted, ass-backwards method of accessing data from everywhere from any machine so that one person can have three computers. There’s nothing like helping to justify something stupid for someone you detest.

This is IT. What retarded thing would you like to do today?